You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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