the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
