watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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