whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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