I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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