She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
