Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your cock deserves a montage
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
