Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
