i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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