You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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