Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
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Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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