I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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