why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
