I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
