i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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