i jhust puked up my retainher.
Your dad touched me again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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