The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
