I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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