So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
