I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
