We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We need to get me chipped asap
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
