Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
