the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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