i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
