He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
