Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
ttyl tear gas
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
