I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
