you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up