96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
