: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat