Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am puke

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  (617): I am puke http://tfl.nu/8ec4
  Replies (2) Good night (1001) Bad night (1267)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

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  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
  Replies (15) Good night (1316) Bad night (2951)
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  (209): View more from California

  I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.

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  (209): I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own. http://tfl.nu/zoa7
  Replies (72) Good night (926) Bad night (3386)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

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  (248): I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there! http://tfl.nu/8urv
  Replies (14) Good night (2609) Bad night (3681)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.

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  (401): like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY. http://tfl.nu/lkyy
  Replies (9) Good night (1241) Bad night (5195)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

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  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (7287) Bad night (1830)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

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  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4506) Bad night (1462)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

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  (931): Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame. http://tfl.nu/0khd
  Replies (23) Good night (4668) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.

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  (541): She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning. http://tfl.nu/4pom
  Replies (17) Good night (2886) Bad night (1061)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.

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  (610): first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/lsrh
  Replies (6) Good night (2589) Bad night (744)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.

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  (+44): This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats. http://tfl.nu/c5o0
  Replies (14) Good night (1153) Bad night (2390)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!

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  (616): my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES! http://tfl.nu/l6hp
  Replies (5) Good night (648) Bad night (798)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.

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  (970): My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment. http://tfl.nu/pqim
  Replies (0) Good night (686) Bad night (277)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?

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  (651): I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this? http://tfl.nu/kchb
  Replies (2) Good night (425) Bad night (372)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis

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  (224): Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis http://tfl.nu/y26w
  Replies (5) Good night (473) Bad night (281)

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