Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair

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(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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(214): View more from Texas

She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(941): View more from Florida

He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation

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(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"

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(309): View more from Illinois

I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever

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(410): View more from Maryland

I think I hear the ice cream truck

(410): View more from Maryland

I could be going crazy though

(410): View more from Maryland

NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP

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