too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?