Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
