I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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