I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
