I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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