i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Houston, we have a blender
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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