He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
