: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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