If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
