I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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