well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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