tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
