If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
