Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
