i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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