3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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