I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
