Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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