I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
