so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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