what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
