what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
