Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
