Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
