No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
