remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
