Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
