He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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