Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
