so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
