I bet he comes in French.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
