Are we in a gay sports bar?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
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