I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so explain again why im purple
no
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
