so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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