apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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