totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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