last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
