whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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