I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
