She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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