Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
