i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
