You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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