Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
