Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
